Cell Phones: The Root of all Evil

Cell phones create in this world the greatest evils the world has ever seen! Cell phones are not only the cause cancer (one of the greatest blights on the world today) but also are responsible for juvenile deaths across the world in driving accidents. Young drivers are victimized by the evils of cell phones on a daily basis. Texting causes the innocent teen drivers to be forced into focusing on the happenings of their friends rather than the road. Cell phones destroy strong marriages by creating constant distractions to genuine face-to-face conversation so that no marriage can legitimately survive in this cellphone engrossed society. I hereby declare all cellphones to be the carriers of all that is evil and wicked in this new and bright world and suggest that they all be sold and the proceeds sent to me in cash form.